!!!!!!NEW!!!!! On YouTube:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=7BlcDRYOb8chttp://www.flickr.com/photos/gabrielamadeus/sets/72057594093272570/show/http://www.flickr.com/photos/15796088@N00/sets/72057594093380612/show/http://www.flickr.com/photos/weasel/sets/72057594092599093/show/So somehow against all odds, some zoobombers and I managed to rent a car and drive to Vancouver BC for the weekend. We even made it across the border! Both ways! Anyway we arrived without hitch at Nicole and Liz's who graciously offered their floor. First thing they do when we walk is hand out printed up itineraries and maps of the city with the addresses and times of all the events. It began to dawn on me at this point that perhaps we were in over our head and not ready for the action packed weekend ahead of us.
So after
tying one on, (this was Canada, after all) and introducing the gals to the new malt liquor / energy drink, "24/7", we hopped on our bikes to explore this fair city and meet up with the rest of the crew. I have to say, although Portland has been rated #1 bike city or something, Vancouver might top that. The bike routes are smart and clearly marked the whole way, and when you come to a stop light and hit the crosswalk button, the light actually immediately changes!!!!! Until this experience I was quite convinced that those contraptions were merely elaborate placebos. Anyway, so I was starting to love Vancouver already. Then we pulled into a dark, dank alleyway and found the rest of the crew setting up
pedal-play, their new bike co-op space for the party. They were building walls, a bar, video installations, and the most amazing
LED-wheel-image-thingy Then I found out they had 8 (EIGHT!) kegs and a barrel full of sangria! Oh no, we WERE in for it. We lent a helping hand for a bit, but just one helping hand with a beer in other isn't much help. Then, bless our souls, we got a PRE-world premiere of the B:C:clettes and got to see them on their last practice run before the big show. For those not in the know, the BC babes were inspired a year ago by the sprockettes and decided to start the world's second all girl bike dance team! HOT!!
Now we headed to the
Seamrippers dance party which was in a dank dripping basement nestled right amongst the downtown highrises. It was a very cool space with great dancing, cool people, etc. I didn't even see one flannel! Around 2am I stepped outside only to see the sprockettes roll up in a minivan! So anyway, we danced the night away and then made the long ride back to our pad on our minis. By the time we were back I was so amped and so sweaty that after everyone went to bed, I decided to take a stroll down by the sound. Sure enough, before I knew it I was naked and doing a frantic belly-splash-flop in and out of the water. Damn, the water is cold up there, who woulda thought?
So, day 2, we rise get on our minis and ride down to the waters edge and follow the sound all through downtown and see the sights. This is the first I've really seen of the city in the daylight and I'm liking it better and better. Its got really cool waterfront, with trendy condos, run-down industrial, parks, marinas, etc. The most promising thing though was that there was a shit-ton of sailboats just anchored in the harbor, not in a marina, and half of them were piled high with misc junk and were totally pirate boats. That would never fly here, every thing has to be expensive, clean, neat and boring. But there it looks like any old dirtbag can live on a boat in the water! So we arrived in east van at an artists collective space and low-and-behold, there were 5-6 dead babies and the rest of the Portland crew! That put PDX's number at 15!! They had arrived early that morn after an all nighter and had already been chased by an armoured tank, gotten arrested, and swiped some expensive champagne. Resourceful folks, they are. So, I haven't quite made it clear enough yet how generous the damned Canadians were. Every time we turned around they handed us a plate full of steaming food, whiskey, wine, a hot blond, a hug - whatever, it was impossible to follow through my Canadian domination mission when they were constantly wining our hearts with kindness. So thank you Canadians, "mi casa es su casa". But you wouldn't understand that, being from the north, now would you?
Then we showed up at the park and started to raise some mayhem. I started off good with a win in the animal-vegetable-mineral contest. But then we quickly digressed into utter anarchy with the new game "carCASS". Derived from an afghani game where they basically play keep away with a dead goat, ifny modified it to be vegan friendly, and instead used a giant stuffed SUV. This was complete mayhem. As soon as we started, everyone just tackled each other while on their bikes, which took about 10 min to untangle, then someone sprinted width the carcass about 20ft only to be tackled again by about 15 people on bikes. The highlights for me consisted of grabbing it at one point and making the first goal with it. A little later I Superman tackled a grubby Canadian and sprained my wrist. Right after that I saw another sneaky Canadian moseying up to the winning ring with a large piece of carcass in hand, so naturally I tackled him as well, spat in his face, jumped on my mini rode into the circle, and won the game for the good-ole US of A. Somehow, however, everyone else missed this and victory was stolen from me by cupcake. Later they tried to give me some weak excuse about "rules" and "goalposts", but I was too busy sulking because cupcake had won the
friggin key to Vancouver city! After that, I was pretty beat so I spent some quality time with my flask and stencil kit. I did, unfortunately get suckered into
pie jousting though, which was a bad idea indeed when you are wearing your only change of clothes!
Finally right before dust we headed to a BBQ on the rooftop of a condo
overlooking downtown and the mountains! After a little rest and some delicous food, we cruised down to pedal play to begin the festivities. I lent a hand for a spell and then wandered off to buy some booze and get some of that canadian monopoly money. Before I knew it I was "booting" for 2 hot canadian teenagers. Turns out "booting" means buying booze for underagers! That was fun, and after they thanked me in the alley (we'll just leave it at that, due to impending legal issues) I returned to the party. This is why I miss alleys (we lack them here in portland for some strange reason) because when I returned the entire pedal play space was packed with people drinking and dancing and the alley was packed full of people as well! Then there were the usual messenger contests, ie trackstands, alley sprints, and the skid contest, all of which were quite amazing and grueling. Someone went down in one of the sprints and this is when the
first ambulance was called. Then mech mark stepped up to race a 26" fixie on his 16" fixie! Mark actually had the lead right off the gun which was amazing in itself, but I was like that makes sense, the smaller wheel means faster acceleration, but will soon be outdone by the big bike. But NO!! Mark pounded his way harder than I've ever seen anyone on a mini, and won the sprint against a big bike!!!!! That is legendary material there, there a great photo somewhere I'll see if I can get it from dave.
Around midnight the night peaked with what we had all been waiting for: the world premier of the B:C:clettes. They hauled out a full scale sound and flood light system and
everyone packed in a circle around the alleyway. Then my camera battery died. But the show rocked anyway, first the BC girls thanked the sprockettes who then came on for a special appearance, follwed by several amazing numbers from the
B:C:clettes, then at then end they invited everyone on the dance floor to break it down!
And then everyone got really drunk. And we almost finished all 8 kegs. And then we rode home on our minis. And then I got a flat and rode 10 blocks with a flat mini! And I sweated alot. And anyone who knows me, knows that is gross.
So we woke up late, got fed AGAIN, and started shit talking about doing an international mountain bomb on one of the mountains looming over the city. I had a job interview the next morning @ 8:30 but was like how often do we get to do an international mountain snow bomb? So we bought some beer, and started the drive up the pass. On a side note, the weather, contrary to the forcast, had been spectacularly beatiful all weekend till now, when it it started to rain. Until we climbed a few thousand feet, where it was snow. Then another mile or so and there was actually walls of snow on either side of us. So we figured this was a good sign, at least when we crashed we would just bounce back and forth and stay on the road. We pulled over and suited up took some photos, got our drink on, and were about ready to head out when a psychotic ranger pulled up and had a little nervous breakdown saying we couldn't do this. I did see his point of view, because in the half an hour we had hung out there we had seen like 10 different cars skid out, spin, slide, and lose control. The conditions were bad. But naturally that just meant more fun so most everyone jumped on their bike and rode down the hill to the rangers dismay. I drove the car down, and everyone made it fine. But now it was action time, we needed to get on the road. So we packed up the bikes in the rain, ignoring the mounty that was questioning us, got in the car and took off south!
So yeah, I'm not much of a storyteller, and sort of a rambler, but at least I got it down in print, and have a chance of remembering it this way. That was my first road trip in 2 years and well deserved, I need to start doing that more often! Victoria? Olympic national park? Squamish? Here I come. Watch out.
